Happiness Project: Parenting

Well, it's been a while since I have posted any "tips" or guidance that I have read about parenting (which is my Happiness Project focus for March). Quite honestly, until now, I haven't had much super mind-blowing insight to speak of. I finally finished Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson and I must admit, it was pretty lame. Super preachy and not much "hands on" kind of info...

I do however, have some good stuff now that I have moved on to book 2 on my list of who-knows-how-many for Parenting that I wanted to read this month.

HOW TO TALK SO KIDS WILL LISTEN and LISTEN SO KIDS WILL TALK by Faber and Mazlish

It talks of "Skills" that are valuable for each of us as parents to choose to use vs. using what we know best, which is sometimes not so helpful (maybe it's just me!).

ENGAGING COOPERATION:
I. DESCRIBE - Instead of saying "YOU spilled the milk!", choose to describe the situation "The milk has spilled. We need a towel."

II. GIVE INFORMATION - Instead of saying "You'll rip your uniform", choose to say "Jeans are for playing outside, your uniform is for school."

III. THE 1 WORD STATEMENT - Instead of saying "Clean your room...the room's a mess...when are you going to clean your room?" Choose to say "Room."

IV. DESCRIBE WHAT YOU FEEL - Intead of saying "I'm angry that you hit your sister." Choose to say "I expect you to be kind to your siblings."

V. WRITE A NOTE - Instead of yelling at your kids to get out of the kitchen while you are making dinner, choose to write "Kitchen Closed Until Dinner" at the entrance to the kitchen

• We want to put an end to the talk that wounds the spirit, and search out the language that nourishes self-esteem.
• We want to create an emotional climate that encourages our kids to cooperate because they care about themselves and because they care about us.
• We want to demonstrate the kind of respectful communication that we hope our kids will use with us - now, during their teenage years, and later as adults.

I still have a few chapters to go, and although I didn't get to ALL the parenting books I planned to read for March, I do plan to continue them on through April as well. 

This is just such a valuable topic to research, a wonderful way to spend the little time I have to read, and an important issue to focus on - for the sake of my kids and thier future....It is very clear to me now, that the words I choose to say, the tone I choose to take and the grace I decide to give (or not give) greatly impacts my child.  Not only in their response to me, their respect for me, and their perception of me...but as I read on..it impacts their entire world-view on love as they grow up. 
That's a pretty heavy responsibility...but I am thankful God has blessed me with the opportunity...and isn't He the best example to follow?!  :)

Wordless Wednesday (late again) - but DID happen this past Wed!

Joe, Megan, Joey, Morgan, Jameson and Baby Jackson!

Wordless Wednesday (not on Wed!)

Joe, Megan, Joey, Morgan, Jameson and Baby Jackson!

Jackson is 4 months old!

Our sweet baby boy is 4 months old!

I have looked back at all my boys photos from 4 months - I was given an outfit when Joey was born that had a 4 on the shirt, so I have made sure to take a photo of each one with that outfit on.
Here's those photos:

Joey 4 months (8/2005)

Jameson 4 months (6/2009)

Jackson 4 months (3/2010)

I'll add his stats after his 4 month dr. appointment tomorrow!

Joe, Megan, Joey, Morgan, Jameson and Baby Jackson!

Rub a Dub Dub Dub Dub

My how they've grown....and how we've filled up the tub!

Jan 2006 (Joey 9 months old)

Sept 2007 (Morgan around 9 months old, Joey 2.5 years)

Summer 2009 (Jameson around 9 months old, Morgan 3, Joey 5)

March 2011 (Joey almost 6, Morgan 4, Jameson 2, Jackson 3 months)

ps.  They don't really take baths together anymore...Joey's more of a shower guy, Morgan and Jameson SWIM so they need their space and Jackson can't sit on his own yet, so he's usually in the baby tub still....but thought it was fun that they were all willing to pose for me!

Wordless Wednesday

Fat Tuesday!

Today is the last day of experiencing a few things for me - for the next 40 days.
Lent has always been something I try to use as a catalyst for denying myself things I enjoy - specifically chocolate and for the first time, last year, Facebook.

So I will now go 40 days without any chocolate (which is something I have nearly everyday of my life, except during Lent).  I enjoyed a nice big slice of chocolate cake from Cafe Patechou http://www.cafepatachou.com/ as my final indulgence!

Last year, I decided to give up Facebook too.  It was pretty easy and not that big a deal...but as I have become more home bound, due to more children, I feel FB is a very important way for me to stay in touch with those I care about (and even a few folks I haven't seen in person in years!)  So this year, it will be much more of a stretch for me to not allow myself to click on the website or choose "social beat" on my cell to see how everyone is doing or to check if anyone cared about a comment on my status line....this will be quite a good practice for me these next 40 days...I may even have to resort to hand written cards in some cases!

Lastly, I actually ADD an action to my day to day...it's The Divine Hours.  It's a wonderful book of meditation and prayer that requires readings 3 times a day.  I find the practice a bit unrealistic for my life most days, but I did my best for 40 days last year and I think I can swing it again...we'll see.

Have a wonderful FAT TUESDAY!  May you find something these next 40 days that you feel you need to take away or add to your life...all for the purpose of becoming closer to God (and for me, maybe lose a few pounds to boot!)

Joe, Megan, Joey, Morgan, Jameson and Baby Jackson!

Jackson Baby Dedication

Today was Jackson's Baby Dedication at Common Ground Christian Church.
It was a wonderful time of prayer and fellowship with friends and family present.
Gram Young came from Ohio and Megan's parents and brother came from Michigan.
Joe's siblings and parents were also present for the occasion.

Jackson wore an outfit that Gram gave Joey when he was born and has been worn by Jameson as well.  The sweater was also knit by Gram.  It is so wonderful to be able to put the sweaters that Gram has taken so much time and put so much love into knitting onto one last Schmidt son.

Following church, we had a bruch at our home.  It was so nice to spend time with family and friends.  The cake was from Costco and was delicious!

And as the outfit says on his "bib" - Thank Heaven for Little Boys

We are so thankful for the wonderful blessing of our son Jackson.

Teaching your Child Values

"WHY SHOULD WE TEACH MORAL VALUES TO CHILDREN?"

We should teach moral values to our children because it is the most significant and effective thing we can do for their happiness.
-Linda & Richard Eyre from Teaching Your Children Values

Here are some great ideas I read last night (while holding my sweet 3 month old son, who is all congested and stuffed up from Brochialitis):

• REWARD - awards and any other form of recognition coupled with praise is a powerful way of promoting moral behavior.  In addition to various types of rewards, specific awards (Plaques for example) can be both a lively discussion point and a motivating compliment.
• "SECOND CHANCE" or "LET'S START OVER" approaches by parents can correct behavior and remind children of moral values without the negative effects of punishment and criticism.
• MEMORIZATION of short, graphic phrases or mottoes that state a particular value in a clever and memorable way is valuable in planting a good concept firmly in children's minds.
• THE VALUE and ITS OPPOSITE: WHICH HELPS? WHICH HURTS?         By guiding children to discover antonyms of each value, you can set up "opposite poles" and put yourself in a position to ask which one hurts people and which one helps people.
• ACKNOWLEDGMENT OF POSITIVE BEHAVIOR, IGNORING NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR.  Children crave attention, and all too often parents give attention to negative behavior and ignore positive behavior.  We tend to "leave well enough alone" and spend all our effort correcting what is wrong.  We need to turn this around and, again "catch them doing something right."

I have already put the first bullet into practice with our new "Good Morning Award" - for the past 3 days (started this in March, of course), I have had a much less stressful morning getting kids out the door to school.  Joey and Morgan are motivated to get dressed, brush teeth, get coat on, and get in car...just for the award...and all I do is make a big booming announcement in the car ride to school and everyone cheers (no true "award" is given).

I've got lots of reading to do this month...so I will be posting my findings and interesting readings along the way...doesn't mean it will work for this house or even yours..but atleast I am putting tools into my "toolbox" of parenting!

Wordless Wednesday (on Thursday)

Happines Project: MARCH = Lighten Up!

Hello March!

This is the month where I plan to "Lighten Up!" for my Happiness Project.
I have found in my 5 odd years of raising children, that I DO NOT have all the answers to how to raise our kids.  You'd think after having 4 of them, I would have a bit of a plan, but to be honest...well, I'm just trying to keep this boat afloat most days.

The Happiness Project has a chapter on Parenting that I found quite useful -

so here are a few insights from the book that I hope to implement in our home:

• Sing in the morning
• Acknowledge the reality of people's feelings
• Be a Treasure House of Happy Memories
• Take time for projects

Some useful adjectives to define the "atmosphere" that I hope to create in our home this month:
Tender
Peaceful
Joyous
Cheerful
Lighthearted


And here are some insights that I thought were worth remembering - 

Preserve the happy memories.
The fact is, Life is more fun when I keep my resolutions.
Act the way I want to feel.
The days are long, but the years are short.
You're only as happy as your least happy child.
Denying feelings intensifies them; Acknowledging feelings allow good feelings to return.


SUGGESTIONS FOR ACKNOWLEDGING FEELINGS:

• Write It Down - if Joey does not like clasp khakis, I"m going to "write that down"
• Don't feel as if I have to say something - sometimes just holding them for a few minutes will get them through whatever is troubling them
• Wave a Magic Wand - "If I had a wand, I'd make it warm so you didn't have to wear your coat!"
• Admit a Task is Difficult - instead of "it's easy", try "this is tough, but I know you can do it!"

FAMILY TRADITIONS:

1. ANTICIPATE IT (plan)
2. SAVOR IT (enjoy it as it's happening)
3. EXPRESS IT (talk about it)
4. RECALL IT (capture in photos)

A few things I would like to add to my Happiness Resolution Chart for March and beyond:
No Word Wednesdays (add a photo of our life to the blog on Wednesdays)
TRACK my food intake on the fitbit website  http://www.fitbit.com/
Play Games


The BOOKS that I hope to read this month (most likely won't get to ALL of them!)

(This one is for our sweet girl, Morgan. - are ALL 4 year old girls "Spirited", or just ours?)

So, I"ve got alot of work to do!
I must say, I have already started using some of the tools from the Happiness Project with my kids and it's working!  That Magic Wand has been a good answer for Morgan and her constant need to dress as if it's 70 degrees outside...when it's 30!

And I have successfully given out "Good Morning Awards" both days this month - which is essentially me announcing, as if on stage, "Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, I am about to annouce the winners of the Good Morning Awards - going to those individuals who have had a great start to the morning through listening, obeying, getting dressed, brushing teeth and getting on our way without difficulty!"
APPLAUSE and loud booming announcements of the kids names seems to work quite nicely!  Who'd a thought?

I hope you find happiness this month - and if any insights from my readings and goal of implementation work for you too, let me know!

Happy March!  Let the Madness begin!